Dating Can Be Such A Wonderful Time! Or Not!

Sometimes you find yourself with the guy/girl of your dreams; other times the dream bubble bursts. Some relationships are just not meant to be!

What qualities do you really want from a dating relationship? This is a good thing to explore! Besides having an obvious physical attraction to another person, most people would list the basic qualities below as important ones in any relationship:

  • CARING – I want to know I’m special to someone.
  • RESPECT – I want to be treated well.
  • ACCEPTANCE – I want to be liked for who I am.
  • SAFETY – I don’t want to feel judged or pressured.
  • GOOD PERSONALITY – I want someone I can get along with.
  • UNDERSTANDING – I want someone who will listen to me.
  • TRUST – I want someone who is honest with me, not deceitful.
  • FUN – I want someone who I can have fun with and explore new ideas with.

Think ahead for just a moment. What relationship qualities would you like to see added to that if the possibility of marriage were in the near future? Sometimes looking ahead can help you to think through the dating relationships you are in at the present.

In a marriage relationship you will need the same qualities found in the dating relationship, and more.

Most people would add these qualities to their list for a marriage relationship:


Sometimes, as a teen, you may begin to look for some of these marital qualities in a dating relationship. Sometimes that is good, but other times it may cause you to start expecting too much of the other person too soon. You can easily believe you are in love and not really know each other very well at all.
Dating is about taking your time to see what direction each one is going in and how well matched for commitment you really are! That initial attraction doesn’t always work out over time. Beware of jumping in a new relationship too fast, too soon. If this happens, everyone gets hurt, disappointed, frustrated, and even overwhelmed.

So What Is Love? How Will I Know If I’m In Love?

You may have heard that “you’ll just know” when it is love. This is only partial truth. Sometimes it feels like love when it really isn’t.

Love is much more than a feeling. It is a choice to accept the other person unconditionally for who they are and what they believe in. It is a commitment to grow with that person and see things through, even in bad times.

Love grows over a period of time. That initial attraction is not the kind of love that will last. Discovering each other’s strengths and weaknesses, knowing each others values, getting to know the other’s goals, developing an unshakable trust in each other—these are the characteristics of a love that will last. You can’t know these things in a few weeks or a few months.

Love takes time to grow into commitment to one another. When all these things are in place, then you will know if you are in love.

How Does Sex Affect A Dating Relationship?

Sex in marriage aids in bonding — physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Sex is more than physical. The thrill and the newness of the sexual union in marriage can even help weather the storms of the early years of marital adjustments. It seals a commitment. It affirms a continuing bond with each other. When two people really love each other, sex is a comfort; it is a joy; it is a pleasure.

Without unconditional love, acceptance, commitment, and loyalty only to each other, and without similar goals and values, sex can be quite empty. It can become demanding and demeaning. It never seems to be fulfilling.

Instead of things getting better, and relationships getting closer because sex has been initiated, the opposite often seems to happen. Many teens report the following problems:

ANXIETY over parents finding out, anxiety over the possibility of pregnancy or disease.

GUILT from certain people finding out.

FEELINGS OF BEING USED When sex is involved in a relationship, there is more of an emotional tie, especially for the girl. You will begin to look for feedback of acceptance thru sex. Often self-worth begins to be tied up into the sexual relationship. When the relationship becomes threatened with a break-up, there is often a feeling of being less special to someone, and there is a feeling of being used simply for the sex. Beware of these relationships!

INSECURE RELATIONSHIPS Many young men are not ready for the emotional or continued commitment that is required from a sexual relationship. A young lady often wonders, “Will we stay together?” When sex begins in the teen-age years, there is often an insecurity in relationships that continues into the next relationship, and the next.

RESENTMENT! When intimate relationships break off as if they were nothing, it hurts! Disposable products are wonderful; disposable relationships are not!

LACK OF TRUST in future relationships because of all the hurt that builds up.

EMPTINESS Something dies inside with each intimate relationship that breaks up. Break-Ups are hard at any time, but when sex is involved the hurt is deeper.

REJECTION! Let’s face it, none of us handles rejection well! When rejection becomes a part of sexual relationships, you will automatically build walls of protection in successive relationships. You will tend to enter into more superficial relationships so the hurt you feel will not get any worse. No one likes being vulnerable to another, so we just don’t give as much of ourselves in future relationships. We automatically protect ourselves.

As you can see, the more sexual partners you have, the less satisfying your relationships become. Instead of building trust, respect, communication, honesty, caring, and self-worth, all of these things begin to take a nose-dive when unmarried sex is involved, especially over a long period of time.

If you are experiencing these hurts, you can turn things around!

You do not have to have sex with everyone you date! That might seem like a crazy thing to say, but once you have had sex, it seems natural that sex will be a part of every relationship. But it doesn’t have to be this way! Be choosy! The best way is to wait until you are in a committed marriage relationship where you can sure of loyalty, trust, commitment, and true love. Anything less will result in a build-up of hurt upon hurt. Ask those who have been there!

How do you feel about the relationship you are in right now?
Too serious, too soon? Will it last, or not?